Here Me Out: NO Space Jam 2

We don’t need a Space Jam 2. Period. I was a happy kid in the 90’s and my mom was (and still is) A HUGE basketball fan. Her team? The Lakers but hey, everyone has their faults. (I’m a Celtics fan.) But you know what team everyone loved, including me and my mom? The Bulls! Why? Because of Michael Jordan. Jordan was everything to kids and adults in the 90’s. I have a list of reasons why we don’t need and did not ask for a Space Jam 2.

First, we didn’t ask for it. Now, I did read an article from another fellow 90’s kid where he was excited about the sequel. I, however, have spoken to many of other fellow 90’s kids and we agree that we did not ask for this at all. For some reason, we have gotten into the habit of wanting to reboot EVERYTHING. They’re rebooting Boomerang. They rebooted Jumanji. They rebooted Overboard. Some of these made it or will make it and some just shouldn’t have been made. We are so needy for nostalgia, they we are willing to ruin our classics to do it. What happened to just watching the original and leaving that legacy where it is?

Second, I am a basketball fan. It’s literally my favorite sport. Michael Jordan was like Michael Jackson to the world of basketball. Now, I like Lebron and all. He’s done well for the community and stuff. He’s a great player. Don’t really like the fact that he seems to be chasing championship rings by hopping from team to team (fight me) but whatever. I’m going to say this and again, fight me, but Lebron James is in no way shape or form Michael Jordan. I know what you’re saying. “He doesn’t have to be Michael Jordan. It’s for a new generation, Amber.” Yes, I know but there’s been this debate about James being better than or being compared to Jordan. Let’s be clear, there is no comparison. That goes for Kobe too (fight me and rest in peace).

Third, there is no storyline as of yet. No premise besides they want to do it with Lebron because there’s a new generation and we want to make money off nostalgia. Not good enough. Remember the storyline from the original? Mike was playing baseball (terrible idea, just terrible) and he wasn’t very good. In fact, he sucked. He sucked so much so that Stan Podolak (Wayne Knight) was assigned to him for damage control. Meanwhile, the aliens of Moron Mountain are stealing the talent of basketball player in order to win against the Looney Tunes who they want to make their slaves. This was a story about redemption. Anybody remember the conversation the guys had with Mike at the end when he returned their talent? They were mocking him and asking if he even still had it. Mike had been away from basketball for a year when he first retired. This was like his comeback movie. What will this be for Lebron? Also, Kobe said no, ya’ll. He did not want to make an appearance in this movie. So what are we doing in this “new version” of the story? What’s the motivation now? Is this Lebron’s quest to get a championship ring just in movie form (because that’s what I think it could be)?

Lastly, I don’t know any kids now that really watch cartoons. These new babies are on their phones, their tablets, on XBOX live and stuff. So who is going to be in this movie with Lebron? We watched a lot more TV 20 years ago than they do now. So what now? Who’s available? Tina Belcher from Bob’s Burgers? How are you going to do this movie and capture that same vibe or at least a similar one?

We don’t need a Space Jam 2. We didn’t ask for it. There’s no point to do it. I can’t think of a compelling storyline that will make kids want to go see it or parents want to spend the money. I know I’m not going to see it unless the trailer and storyline blow me away. And please don’t make this movie about the internet. Just don’t.

Ok, I’m off my soapbox but if anything changes, I will post about it. Until then, return to sender. We don’t want it!

Signed,

A real 90’s baby!

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