Alright, you’ve all had enough time to consume this movie. Some of you decided to watch it a couple times, for some obscure reason. At any rate, let us chat about this sequel. Sequels are known to not be a great as the original. Think about any of your favorite franchises…I challenge you to tell me a of a sequel that was better than the original. I will wait while you all take a moment to rack your brain.
Any who, let’s go into what all went wrong with this sequel, and I hope the Cinema Sins people don’t hate me. I’m actually waiting to hear what they say about this sequel. I know it’s about to be hilarious!
The first thing wrong with this sequel is that it’s happening in general. Do you remember what happened at the end of Hocus Pocus? The witches turned to stone AND WERE OBLITERATED. There is no need to bring them back when the mission was to kill the witches in the first one, yet, here we are.
Next, you also want me to believe that a random child, who had his candy stolen on Halloween night 29 years ago, saw the witches flying in the sky and thought, “I should bring them back!” The witches didn’t help him get his candy back. They didn’t speak to him. Nothing, but he felt compelled to bring them back 29 years later just because. He didn’t really have a motive other than I guess to just meet them. This motive was real shallow and this alone is why we shouldn’t have had a sequel. You also want me to believe that we can just make new black flame candles like buying a candle from Target. If that was true, then wouldn’t more witches have been brought back? Smh.
Moving on to what should have been what the movie was about: the origin of the Sanderson sisters. Disney, there was a perfectly good prequel you could have done and I would have accepted it. Flush that story out. We got a very shallow understanding of how the girls came up in the town and how they were viewed. AND we were introduced to a character we could have went further into! We met a whole other witch in the woods and just used her as a warning? If you’ve ever watched This is Us, you’ll understand what I’m trying to explain. Imagine this. We started this prequel, that we should have gotten, with the witch we meet in the woods. We explore her and her coven and get to the point where she uses the forbidden spell and loses her coven. THEN, later in this fictional movie I’m creating for Disney, when she gives the girls the warning when she meets them, the warning seems more impactful. Just a thought, Disney, and if you make this movie, I will be asking for some type of credit or a free trip to Disneyland.
Hey, Disney, what is the stipulation for being or becoming a witch because you never tell us, and I refuse to believe that anyone can be a witch. Why was Becca special? Because she believed? Is this a Once Upon a Time situation where when you believe things start to happen for you? I’m not a believer and I don’t buy it. Magic does not work like that and you won’t get me to believe that it does. Becca just has magic…because…just because? Do better!
The flashmob…..for why? We don’t even do flashmobs anymore so why, Disney? The mayor and these caramel apples….Bueller…Bueller. There was no reason. Just because we can, doesn’t always mean we should.
The Walgreens scene lasted WAY TOO LONG! Did it start off funny? Sure. Did it get weird at some point? Yes, and that’s when someone should have said, “Enough.” Also, we saw, while they were in Walgreens, that Mary could just appear where the girls were, so why later in the store are the witches running after them? We can’t just pick and choose when magic works and when it doesn’t.
There are three things that I will give you that I liked about this unnecessary sequel. One, the focus on sisterhood. It was a theme throughout the movie that was in the first film but not as prominent as it was in this film. It was refreshing to see the new girls come together again three women who value each other just the same, if not more. Score one. I did laugh when the Roomba came to clean the salt circle. Now, after saying that, who would just leave them by themselves in that garage? I don’t care what you did to them and how vindicated you felt. You watch witches at all times! Half point. For some reason, the Billy Butcherson/Winifred Sanderson mishap never bothered me. I found it funny every time. I don’t know why, but I did and I will give the movie a solid point for that.
I came in knowing that Disney did not make this movie for me. Much like the new Under Wraps, it’s for you new babies, and I completely understand. They are not investing in me as a 30 year-old Disney watcher, but Disney, please leave my classic Disney movies alone. You don’t see Nickelodeon remaking a live action Wild Thornberrys film. (Please don’t do this!!) Just leave some things alone, for the culture. The 90’s nostalgic culture.
Was there anything I missed that was awful? And, no, I don’t want to hear from anyone who is under 27. This isn’t your fight. This ain’t even your movie.
BLACK WATCH 