Every week, I order lunch from my goddaughter’s grandmother, and after we chat on the front porch, I immediately go upstairs to my room to find something to watch. Since we’re nearing Christmas, I said to myself, “I want to watch a lil Christmas movie.” And a “lil’ Christmas” movie I did find on Netflix. Now, why did I pick this movie? Because I saw Tia Mowry on the preview screen. I’m immediately in.
‘My Secret Santa’ was inspired by “Juwanna Mann” and “Mrs. Doubtfire.” I’m stating this with no factual evidence besides watching the movie and going, “So this is (inserts either film title above) with a woman instead of a man.” Let’s run through what’s happening here, shall we?
Taylor is a single mom who is raising her daughter, Zoey, on a shoestring budget. We start this entire movie with Taylor getting fired from her Christmas cookie making job. I want to pause right here. Her boss tells her that Christmas cookie sales are down and they have to make cuts. I immediately said aloud in my room, “When have Christmas cookie sales been down? When have cookie sales ever been down?” Carley Smale and Ron Oliver wrote this movie and I would like to say to them that y’all could have done better than that. Fast forward to her going home and trying to tiptoe past her Super’s house. Somehow, this woman has bionic ears and can hear that Taylor, who is late with her rent, is home from what used to be her job. We hear Zoey scream and it’s not because she is in danger, because that would make sense. It’s because she got into a skiing program at the local ski resort. Of course, Taylor is proud of her baby, but she knows she cannot pay the tuition and Zoey knows she cannot pay the tuition. She assures the child she will get to go to the lessons and she will be able to pay for it.
Then, we meet, who I came to see, Tia Mowry’s character, Natasha, and her boss, Robert Layne. Robert is one of those owners who doesn’t seem like he knows the real in’s and out’s of what goes on around the resort but Natasha does. All Robert is concerned with is if everything goes on without a hitch and how much money he’s making. Later, he does give his son, Matthew Layne played by Ryan Eggold (very nice looking man), a whole speech about his dead wife and how much they wanted Matthew to join the family business. I’m sure the wife would have wanted them to be more of a family and for the resort to be less about making money, but I digress.
Matthew is in town because he go in trouble in Italy for destroying city or country property but running into things. As punishment, Matthew is now the General Manager of the resort, a job Natasha wants and has worked for. I have never heard of someone being in trouble with foreign police and getting a prestigious job at a thriving business. Also something we could have worked on, writers.
When Taylor went to lament to her gay brother and his husband (this will be important later. Please hold.), they find that Zoey can get discounted tuition if her mom works at the resort, so naturally, Taylor goes to the resort to apply. But, there are no available job…except being Santa Claus because as Natasha put it, all the good Santa’s were taken. So what does Zoey do? She goes to her gay brother and his husband to become, not just a man, but Santa Claus. Does this sound familiar? Let’s go a step further. They watch movies to get the right look she wants, they scan her to make a 3D mold of her face, she gets a wig, and they make a fake fat suit. Mind you, they never tell us that these men have these skills. At least in “Mrs. Doubtfire,” makeup was their occupation. Now it seems we’re telling the world that any gay person can transform a woman into a man or vice versa.
She goes to the audition and nails the gig because everyone else was terrible, but she struck when she sees Matthew. Earlier, before she came up with this scheme, she met Matthew at the vinyl shop where she was attempting to get some quick cash to save for Zoey’s tuition. Matthew attempted to bond with her over Screaming Kittens, a band Taylor created when she was a teen but left due to the fact that she was pregnant with Zoey. When she sees Matthew, she says “you,” but realizing who she was at the time, creates a name on the spot—Hugh Mann. Does this sound familiar?
I hear you. How did she fill out paperwork for a “Hugh Mann” when she isn’t a man? I’m glad you asked that because I was thinking about that the entire film. Luckily, they addressed it quit quickly. You see, Natasha has misplaced anger. Instead of being angry with Robert and possibly quitting her job as a less for making his son General Manager, she tries to sabotage Matthew as acting General Manager. What does this all mean? It means no one looked at the paperwork and no one did a background check.
Taylor and Matthew start to spend time together. Taylor hinges on the fact that Matthew could never truly understand her life as a struggling single mom because he is neither struggling nor a mom. She irritates my spirit while doing this. I let out a deep, irritated sigh, and I move on. At a certain point in the film, Taylor and Hugh have to appear at the same party at the resort. DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR? At least when they do it here, she invites her brother and his husband for help and there is a funny scene where her brother-in-law leaves his post, for a reason I did not understand, and Matthew enters the bathroom when her brother is trying to get her in the fat suit. Ma’am, you have a while resort. Set up shop on another floor. Scorned Natasha finds her out, Zoey injures herself on the slopes, and the jig is up.
No need to worry. Everyone ends up happy. There was one twist in this film which was cool. Zoey’s bully ends up being Natasha’s daughter (surprise, surprise). The one time I laughed harder than I should have was when Taylor was making her apology to Matthew. She walks off stage and a man in the crowd who shouts, “Don’t leave him!” Matthew gives him a thumbs up and the man gives him the “okay” sign. I don’t know why that was so funny to me but it was.
Check it out on Netflix and tell me how else this movie reminds you of “Juwanna Mann” and “Mrs. Doubtfire.”
